SheepFluffer.com

The tightness of our friendship as a visual metaphor.

You know what makes me laugh? Of course you  people in readerville don’t know but I am going to tell you. My friend bobosan has this thing for strange women and not just strange but maybe a little crazy.

In our spare time we like to fuck with these crazy and strange women. Usually what happens is he will get ahold of some chick online for a one night stand and then they don’t go away and because they have shitty self esteem they think that all of a sudden he wants to be with him forever. So what I love is being the back up girl.

To all of you guys out there you should have a friend like me. Which is female who doesn’t mind acting from time to time.

Take for instance, here not to long ago bobosan came to me with this chick who was mediocre at best and said “Get rid of her for me.” So I proceed to tell this girl that I was his wife and that she should probably lay off instead of on her back like a whore because  she was fucking a married man! Unfortunately that only got rid of her for about a day. Apparently she doesn’t care about fucking up someones life which really does make her a whore.

My favorite ones still to this day are chicks that have absolutely no boundaries what so ever. Come on people who in there right mind dresses up in a  cow costume and lets some stranger and all his friends fuck and piss on her! Really! But of course a soon as she knocks on the door you can guarantee all those messages go right out the window and she can’t even give good head like she said.

I’ll tell you what I have said some fucked up shit to these girls and they are just like “Okay daddy whatever makes you happy” but of course the next day I get to hear about how this girl freaked out and had a panic attack on the floor!

I think it is so strange that women try and act all cool like they would do anything in the world for some stranger and what they don’t realize is that I am on the other end making a total ass out of her! Which is probably wrong on my part and I will probably go to hell for all of this but “Carpe Diem kids” as bobosan would say if you can’t make fun of people what is left in life!

As I sat at my office today, actually doing something work related… I realized how much I truly despise that place & most the people there. Don’t get me wrong… there are about 25 people I have to deal with of which about 5 I can tolerate and 3 or 4 who’s company I enjoy.

I’m sure this is something that the majority of the population deals with… but Jesus fuck. I would guess the average age of my co-workers is somewhere around 40-45. However, if you were to ever stop by bearing gifts to tell me how much you love this website you would probably think I was running some sort of fucked up daycare for grown fucking people.

We’ve got it all here… A 67 year old fat nasty fuck, who sleeps on a cat piss soaked couch and if we’re lucky will take a shower once a week. This gem designs model railroads and airplanes all day. If you’re curious… No, desiging model railroads and airplanes is not what we do. There’s the guy that no matter how wrong he is, he will never admit it & he’ll argue about it for a week until you give in and say “ok, you’re right”. (See previous story about College Educated Black Man/North Star) There’s the closet homosexual. The pedophile. The cranky administrative bitch who will rip out your soul for no reason other than making your life as miserable as hers. I could keep going but why? You get the point and probably deal with the same bullshit.

Why do I/we deal with it? What’s the fucking point? Is it normal to go to work everyday & pick a scenario from the “1,000 Ways To Die” t.v. show & picture your co-workers dying some sort of fucked up death? Probably not… but that’s what I do. Maybe this is the perfect time to put my genius business plan to work. Nipples N/ Clips. That’s the name of my soon to be topless barber shop. Catchy name, right!?! Probably won’t work… but why not give it a try.

Well, it’s 11:22. That means it’s time to go imagine the pedophile burning to death in a grain silo. I’ve been looking forward to this one for a week.

I’m driving down the highway today and see some faggot from Kansas with the McLovin license plate from Superbad.  I mean, this was cool like 2 years ago, but why the fuck do we need one now?  More so ever, doesn’t Kansas employ some sort of employee that looks over these things?

As far as I could tell from passing this fuck, he’s also a Steve Austin wannabe.  Or perhaps Steve Austin himself, that guy could be down to a Corolla car by now.  Or perhaps Stone Cold really likes movies about under-age drinkers, which leads us to the conclusion he may in fact be a closet pedophile.  Pedophile’s like children.  Children starts with the letter “C” as does Corolla.  Ergo, a Corolla is a pedo-mobile.

I think we’re on to something here.

So the other day my friend and I decided that we were finally going to go do something for ourselves for a change. We decided to go and get manicures and pedicures that’s the girlie thing to do right? So we get to the place and my favorite part is that not a single person knows how to speak English and if they do they don’t know it well enough. So as we sit with our feet in the bath our guys come up to start on our toes. My guy was actually pretty cool at first, he commented on all my tattoos and for once was nice, although after awhile he wouldn’t stop staring at me and it kind of gave me the creeps. My good friend on the other had got the douche bag that can’t say anything but “Pay me now?” I felt really bad because if you don’t know, whenever you go and get your nails painted when they are done they are supposed to grab all your shit and take you to their nifty little UV light so that your nails dry and you don’t fuck up something that you just paid $50 dollars for. But instead of her guy doing that he just left her at his station to wait. What an ass, I understand that you don’t know the language very well, but since when did you forget how to be polite jackass.

Anyway after that we decided to walk around. Since we both have lives, neither one of us had been to the mall in who knows how long. In our wonderful mall we have a store that I like to visit from time to time. It is more for the emo/ goth type but I have piercings and they have jewelry. When we walk in I get a coupon that was good for that day only because they have a new band that is from our town performing live. The thing that I thought was hilarious is that he was a black rapper. Really, I mean why would a black rapper think it would be a wise idea to promote sex, drugs, and huge asses to a bunch of people who think about cutting themselves 6 times before breakfast. I just don’t see the correlation between the two but whatever floats your boat and makes you think that one day you will be famous.

After that nice experience we decided that we had seen enough of the mall and thought maybe it was time to leave. As we are walking out we notice that they are getting all set up for Easter. In the middle of the mall is where they always have the picture studio setting so that you can take your wonderful bright eyed children to have a picture taken with someone that they believe so highly of without it costing a fortune. Have you ever wondered who is behind that crazy Santa or rabbit suit? Well I did only because we walk by and see this guy dressed in his finest bunny suit sitting on his bench chillin’ looking as though he is either drunk and or stoned out of his mind, or is waiting on a blow job I’m not really sure which. I look to my friend because I have no children of my own and ask her if she was walking through the mall with her children and seen that bunny would she let her kids sit on his lap? Hell no she wouldn’t and neither would any other human being that was thinking the same thing I was. I don’t know how much that guy got paid to sit there and look like a pedophile in a rabbit suit but he pulled it off smashingly. 

All I can say is, what the fuck is up with people these days and if you ever want a good laugh go sit at your local shopping center and people watch…