SheepFluffer.com

Question: What sounds good for dinner??? Any suggestions? I cant decide and i need your help please!

Answer: fried chicken mashed potatoes and biscuits

I’ll add watermelon and kool-aid to that and make it a quad-fecta!

You know what makes me laugh? Of course you  people in readerville don’t know but I am going to tell you. My friend bobosan has this thing for strange women and not just strange but maybe a little crazy.

In our spare time we like to fuck with these crazy and strange women. Usually what happens is he will get ahold of some chick online for a one night stand and then they don’t go away and because they have shitty self esteem they think that all of a sudden he wants to be with him forever. So what I love is being the back up girl.

To all of you guys out there you should have a friend like me. Which is female who doesn’t mind acting from time to time.

Take for instance, here not to long ago bobosan came to me with this chick who was mediocre at best and said “Get rid of her for me.” So I proceed to tell this girl that I was his wife and that she should probably lay off instead of on her back like a whore because  she was fucking a married man! Unfortunately that only got rid of her for about a day. Apparently she doesn’t care about fucking up someones life which really does make her a whore.

My favorite ones still to this day are chicks that have absolutely no boundaries what so ever. Come on people who in there right mind dresses up in a  cow costume and lets some stranger and all his friends fuck and piss on her! Really! But of course a soon as she knocks on the door you can guarantee all those messages go right out the window and she can’t even give good head like she said.

I’ll tell you what I have said some fucked up shit to these girls and they are just like “Okay daddy whatever makes you happy” but of course the next day I get to hear about how this girl freaked out and had a panic attack on the floor!

I think it is so strange that women try and act all cool like they would do anything in the world for some stranger and what they don’t realize is that I am on the other end making a total ass out of her! Which is probably wrong on my part and I will probably go to hell for all of this but “Carpe Diem kids” as bobosan would say if you can’t make fun of people what is left in life!

Fuck work, man! I had to work overnight this week, from like 6am to 6pm. So on Friday, I go to work at like 5pm, and shit happens, so I don’t get off until 8:30am! Yeah, fucking 15.5 Hours straight. Shitty thing was, I haven’t really adjusted to the schedule, so when I got home I was fucking exhausted. I slept two fucking hours.

I had a charity Poker Tournament that night for some slut single mom, and most of the SheepFluffer crew was going. So I end up going to this fucking event bomb ass tired. I mean fuck, I can’t even feel my legs, I’m that fucking tired. So after limping along for two hours, I finally get tired enough, and just lose so I can go to sleep.

But now that I’m in fucking bed, I can’t fall asleep, so I hop onto Yahoo, and I’m just poking around. Then I find some slut that lives close, so fuck being tired, I’m awake now. I talk to this chick for like 15 minutes, before I asked her “Are you in the mood to suck a stranger off tonight?”, which of course she say’s “HELL YES!” to.
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So as most of you know from my previous post on “Why I Hate Relationships” you would know that I am divorced finally. Not that I can really complain because it went smoothly, which I know for some if you is not the case. I like to share my stories because I find them very entertaining on how fucked up my relationships are.

Take for instance our house. When we decided that divorce was the best answer to our problems another one occured. Normally soon to be exes fight over who gets the house. Well what happens when neither of you want it. Well the answer is simple you both move out. The only problem with that is I am broke and can’t afford to move out and pay for two houses. So I stayed in the house but got a roomate anyway.

So at first I had a roommate which was awesome because I had help with everything… But unfortunately now they have had to move out and now it is a fight between my ex and I because he is an ass and says that I don’t know how to clean… Of course I know how to clean I am a woman! Isn’t that what we were brought on this earth to do cook and clean… That’s why we have small feet right? Stand closer to the sink…

What woman in her right mind believes that! Its bullshit that we women have to deal with this.

Then comes the crap about how I have to many nice things still of the sudden. He thinks I stole a set of tires to pay for my brand new 42″ tv. Ha like those tires would be worth that. Its not my fault that he wastes all of his money on beer because he is an alcoholic douche bag.

I am just glad that I got rid of him before it was to late… And I am also glad that all of you in readerville will listen to my sorrows…

I have the day off to remember some sacrifices someone made today. I slept in until noon, then decided I had to grab something to eat to starve off the hunger pains I was feeling. On a side note,let me tell you kiddies, trying anorexia as a 280lb fat ass only lasts 10 hours tops. Anyhow, I called everything with a vagina to see if they wanted to grab some lunch. Most were working, and the handful that weren’t don’t allow themselves to hang out with me unless their cunts are oozing their monthly allotment of period blood. In short, I was fucked, and had no friends to hang out with.

But a great idea popped into my head: Call the ex! My ex is a worthless pile of human being, constantly broke, and constantly hungry because her $200 in food stamps can only feed her for a week. So I figured I’d get some company, and maybe get Mr. Barrack Obama (AKA My cock) sucked. So I whipped out my phone, and called her up. No fucking answer! This is unacceptable! So I called back again, and she answered:

Me: Hey, whats up?
Her: (Grunts) I can’t talk right now….
Me: Uhh…are you being fucked? (Unzips pants)
Her: (Grunts)Uhh…(Moans)….I can’t talk right now….
Me: Who is it, you little fucking slut?
Her: Nobody….(Orgasms)….Talk to you later. (CLICK)

Greaat. So not only did I have to go alone to lunch, I also had to listen to My ex being fucked at noon. Sometimes I wish I was poor and had no motivation so I could spend my entire life sitting at home, eating off of food stamps, and having all the unprotected anal and vaginal sex I desire. Welfare must be grand!

As many of you probably don’t know…. I like to fill much of my free time with softball. If you think that’s gay, then fuck you. Tell me one thing that’s gay about ten grown men running around a big field chasing balls and slapping each other on the ass saying “good game”. Go ahead… tell me. If you like, you can come out and tell us all in person. Keep in mind though, we carry big sticks and look for every opportunity to hit somebody in the mouth with them.

We play in the top league in our city on Wednesday nights. Wednesday nights are generally the nights the highly competitive teams choose to play. With that being said… I keep asking myself how we won our first game 29-2 (those 2 runs were given to that poor team since we felt so bad for the raping we had given them) and our second game 39-1 (that one run came from a freak homerun some 5’5″ 120 pound kid hit). I don’t know if my team is just that good or if we mistakenly ended up in a league meant for the mentally challenged… I don’t recall seeing any overly large foreheads so that pretty much narrows it down.

Is it too much to ask for a little competition? We would love to play a full game instead of run ruling every team in the third inning. You might ask yourself…. why don’t you just let them score some runs and keep the game going. The answer is simple. We are playing retards. I was wrong. We may as well have been batting and playing the field blindfolded. We fucking tried. I bet it took ten minutes to give the first team those two runs. They were absolutely horrible. I guess thats to be expected playing against the retarded folk. I would guess it’s pretty hard to get 10 of these less fortunate athletes to play together as a team. They generally spend most of there time in their back yard playing with their invisible friends and eating grass.

I guess the one thing we’ve got going for us is that spring league is almost over. Maybe summer league will bring more competitive teams. With my luck though, we’ll probably end up playing a team full of amputees. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not saying that we’re better because we’re not retards or amputees… actually, yes I am. Don’t take that the wrong way now… reatards and amputees have every right to do the same things that I do. Just not with me. I’m not retarded, nor am I missing an arm and or leg. Go ahead… tell me I’m a dick. I know you want to. I’m just telling you how I feel. If you play softball on Wednesday nights and you’re retarded, an aputee or a retarded amputee… find another fucking night to play on. If you don’t, expect your oversized foreheads to become a target for us while we are batting. We won’t miss.

Ok…I’m gonna let it go now before I say something that might offend somebody. Thanks for caring about how I feel. It means alot to me.

As I sat at my office today, actually doing something work related… I realized how much I truly despise that place & most the people there. Don’t get me wrong… there are about 25 people I have to deal with of which about 5 I can tolerate and 3 or 4 who’s company I enjoy.

I’m sure this is something that the majority of the population deals with… but Jesus fuck. I would guess the average age of my co-workers is somewhere around 40-45. However, if you were to ever stop by bearing gifts to tell me how much you love this website you would probably think I was running some sort of fucked up daycare for grown fucking people.

We’ve got it all here… A 67 year old fat nasty fuck, who sleeps on a cat piss soaked couch and if we’re lucky will take a shower once a week. This gem designs model railroads and airplanes all day. If you’re curious… No, desiging model railroads and airplanes is not what we do. There’s the guy that no matter how wrong he is, he will never admit it & he’ll argue about it for a week until you give in and say “ok, you’re right”. (See previous story about College Educated Black Man/North Star) There’s the closet homosexual. The pedophile. The cranky administrative bitch who will rip out your soul for no reason other than making your life as miserable as hers. I could keep going but why? You get the point and probably deal with the same bullshit.

Why do I/we deal with it? What’s the fucking point? Is it normal to go to work everyday & pick a scenario from the “1,000 Ways To Die” t.v. show & picture your co-workers dying some sort of fucked up death? Probably not… but that’s what I do. Maybe this is the perfect time to put my genius business plan to work. Nipples N/ Clips. That’s the name of my soon to be topless barber shop. Catchy name, right!?! Probably won’t work… but why not give it a try.

Well, it’s 11:22. That means it’s time to go imagine the pedophile burning to death in a grain silo. I’ve been looking forward to this one for a week.

We’re pretty tolerant of pretty  much anything here.  I mean, the sky’s the limit.  We’ve got chicks with hand fetishes, Indians, and fag-haters.  Essentially we’re just one big huge happy family of debauchery and mortal turbidity.  But one thing we love more than posting fucked up posts and stories about our daily lives is seeing how other people find our site.  Check out this snip of some of our search results from a few days ago:

• you tube dick in a box furries
• jerk off upside down
• fuckbuddy dogs
• anal fags
• jamieblack porn

I can understand wanting to watch Dick In a Box staring a bunch of cute,cuddly wolfs.  I can’t understand the allure of jacking off upside down.  Personally, when I ejaculate, I prefer it to be in a sock or a tissue.  You see, seamen does wonders for the skin.  Helps with athlete’s foot—a lot!  Perhaps the weird guy who search for “fuckbuddy dogs” was simply looking for a nice piece of ass who has a nice dalmation he can fantasize about as well.  We all know fags love anal, so that’s self-explainitory as well.   But who the fuck is Jamie Black?  Why the fuck do I want to see her (or fuck, maybe his?) porn?  More so ever, how the fuck do we score as a hit on someone I’ve never fucking heard of.

I know that most women will not admit to how much they like sex but I am here to tell you that most women at least me, which is all that matters, really do like sex. I can tell you honestly that I think about sex just as much as men do. I have also noticed that sex is the best workout on the face of the planet. I have probably dropped 20 pounds here recently just by having amazing sex. I think that all these fad diets that women waste all their money on are completely useless. Don’t get me wrong, I have tried them and failed every time after wasting tons of money.  They should really advertise kamasutra and tell women how many calories you will burn with each different position.  That way you and your significant other, husband, or otherwise will all be happy and you will look great!

If you really want a good workout have your partner try and tie you up! Notice I said try, I know that it might sound a little weird at first if you have never done it, but if you are a fighter like me it is the best workout you will ever have. Just make sure that you trust the person you are doing it with. I learned the hard way not to let some random one night stand tie you up and leave you stranded in your room so that your roomate has to come and save you in the morning. I might not have thought that one through very well.  But it does make for one hell of a story.

So for all you women out there in reader-ville, just admit that you like sex. The way I see it if you can’t admit to liking it then you are doing it totally wrong and maybe you should rethink the guy that you are with. I promise that there are more fish in the sea, and that guy that you thought was the best thing since sliced bread at first, is now getting pretty boring. You should get out and try new things or new people which ever makes your life better. And guys just to let you know when a girl says she has a headache remind her that the best way to get rid of that headache is an orgasm.  I know that used to be a good excuse but I have found that sex is better for a headache then any medicine on the market today.  That’s unless of course you are boring and can’t get her to that point in which case you should just go beat off in a corner somewhere because there is no women in the world that will want you.