I have the day off to remember some sacrifices someone made today. I slept in until noon, then decided I had to grab something to eat to starve off the hunger pains I was feeling. On a side note,let me tell you kiddies, trying anorexia as a 280lb fat ass only lasts 10 hours tops. Anyhow, I called everything with a vagina to see if they wanted to grab some lunch. Most were working, and the handful that weren’t don’t allow themselves to hang out with me unless their cunts are oozing their monthly allotment of period blood. In short, I was fucked, and had no friends to hang out with.

But a great idea popped into my head: Call the ex! My ex is a worthless pile of human being, constantly broke, and constantly hungry because her $200 in food stamps can only feed her for a week. So I figured I’d get some company, and maybe get Mr. Barrack Obama (AKA My cock) sucked. So I whipped out my phone, and called her up. No fucking answer! This is unacceptable! So I called back again, and she answered:

Me: Hey, whats up?
Her: (Grunts) I can’t talk right now….
Me: Uhh…are you being fucked? (Unzips pants)
Her: (Grunts)Uhh…(Moans)….I can’t talk right now….
Me: Who is it, you little fucking slut?
Her: Nobody….(Orgasms)….Talk to you later. (CLICK)

Greaat. So not only did I have to go alone to lunch, I also had to listen to My ex being fucked at noon. Sometimes I wish I was poor and had no motivation so I could spend my entire life sitting at home, eating off of food stamps, and having all the unprotected anal and vaginal sex I desire. Welfare must be grand!