Via http://www.flickr.com/photos/23003334@N06/3073772258
A friend of mine tuned me into this crazy growing phenomenon of hardcore Christians getting into hardcore BDSM. Nothing quite says “PRAISE JESUS!” quite like tying your wife up, flogging her senseless, and then sticking your pulsing manhood into her dry vagina, and dry humping for ten seconds. These people however, justify, what they’re doing via biblical scriptures. And I found out it isn’t just BDSM…it’s everything. Take this gem for example.
Then He said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and observe My hands. Reach out your hand and put it into My side. Don’t be an unbeliever, but a believer.” (John 20:27)
Amazing. God told all of us to fist each other. I guess the next time I have my entire hand shoved in some hooker’s vagina, and I’m feeling her cervix all up, I’ll remember that the “OH GOD!” are really prayers. Perhaps she’s even Pentecostal and has the spirit!
But it isn’t just Fisting this site touches on. It’s everything. Did you know Jesus loves oral sex?
Oral Sex in Accordance with God’s Will
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, “Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?…15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water.” 16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come back.” (John 4:10-16)
“Living water” in this context refers to semen, which literally is the liquid of life. As Christ indicates, drinking of the “living water” provides a spiritual replenishment for the soul. When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this “water”, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.
Yes kids. Jesus told that poor soul to grab her husband, so he could watch while she sucked off a stranger. But in the end, she would be saved by the seamen. So the next time you’re feeling up a religious chick who doesn’t want to suck cock because of religious convictions, show her this passage. Tell her she can only be saved by the living gift of cum. I fully intend to use this line on some chick I meet at Church today. I love to praise the Lord in my own ways.
Before you leave, check out their requirements and suggestions for meaningful Christian porn. They truly want the cheesy storylines in hardcore pornography replaced by boring shots of these couples praying or studying the bible together. What would you rather see kids, deep religious instruction or deep penetration? The answer is clear.
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