You know what I hate more than anything…. relationships. The other day I was at work minding my own business when my soon to be ex-husband sent me a loving text that said ” Why do you have dog food in your pocket?” What the fuck!! So I politely answered back ” Well I have no idea I don’t really carry dog food around with me.” He proceeded to accuse me of cheating on him. Really, I am cheating on him with another dog. Don’t get me wrong in my opinion all men are dogs but thats no reason for me to carry dog food.

So as the day progressed I was getting these wonderful messages from my loving ex telling me that he just didn’t understand why I would have this fucking dog food in my pocket. Like hell if I know how it got there. The best part is when I got home from my long day at work he has this neat little pile of dog food on the table waiting for me to answer some more of his jack ass questions.

Turns out after three days of fighting about dog food we have a mouse in our house, that is stashing dog food randomly around. I loved the day when he picked up a pair of his jeans and more dog food fell out of his pocket or the day that he went to put his shoes on and found a whole bunch of dog food. But instead of being a bitch like I normally would, because lets face it all women are, I just laughed and blew it off.

All I can say is that relationships are fucking annoying. We try so hard to find that perfect someone and when you don’t, like most people, you get to spend the rest of your life in a living hell wondering where the fuck did I go wrong…..